First of all, please excuse this post. I am writing down my thought process and it is not quite in order.
"Mommy, I want to go to Dada's house, pretty please.....Mommy, I want to go on an airplane and see dad!"
This is what my son tells me on a daily basis.
He's getting older, thus he understands mommy lives in one place and daddy lives in another.
He knows he has to get on an airplane to see his dad and I'm sure he understands we can't stay there forever.
I'm getting ready to graduate and with that comes a lot of anxiety.
Ger and I have always said, we'll just get me through nursing school and then we will figure it out.
Well I'm almost done and we haven't figured it out.
It may be naive of me to of believed that Ger would be in the audience at my graduation.
I still pray every day that he will be there.
We are still waiting to get approval for the I130. Once it is approved (or not) then we can make his appointment with the US consulate office in Ciudad Juarez.
I hope and pray that will happen soon.
I'm scared that it won't.
I'm scared that May will come and we still won't have any answers.
I don't know what to do.
Do I move to Mexico so that our family is together?
This seems like the right thing to do but at the same time it seems so wrong.
My step-daughter Laura is here in Salt Lake.
We haven't seen her in 2 years.
I love her and miss her more than anything.
I want her to be in our lives, and if we go to Mexico, she won't be able to see us.
Then there's the whole nurse thing.
Maybe I'm being selfish.
I went to nursing school because I want to be a nurse.
I want Ger to come home so we can be with our family and I can be an oncology nurse.
Stupid border
I pray every night for an answer.
Maybe i'm not listening because i'm scared that the answer is to go.
Maybe we are supposed to be there to help spread the gospel to Ger's family
Maybe our family in Mexico needs us more than our family here.
I never ask God why and I never will
I know he wrote the script for our lives
I only ask for guidance
It's just that lately, I feel a little lost
2 comments:
Oh christie. I cry everytime I read your posts. I want you to have everything you want, I want all the happiness in the world for you. I can't believe you get up everyday with such a good attitude and are so kind to everyone you meet. well, I CAN, but it just means you are amazing. Heavenly father will bless you for it, I know it with all my heart. Answers are just tough sometimes. :(
Our prayers are always always with you and Ger. I don't have any answers for you, but I know HF takes your desires into account as well. You are a great nurse, and wife, and mother. Your education will bless your family in many ways. Keep faith, move forward. He will guide you. Answers don't always come immediately but they are never late.
I love you very much.
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